Patterns

Life is all about patterns.  Things will repeat themselves if you let them.  It’s odd, because I feel as though I’ve been in pattern overload since I was about 20.  Environments change, but my brain stays the same.  I’m not sure why that is.

I’ve had my moments.  I step outside myself, lose the self-serving bullshit, and take a genuine interest in interacting with people.  But then another part of me, the part that’s obviously plagued by the past, tries its best to undermine me.

People tell me that I have a hyperactive sense of intuition.  As a kid I remember everything around me created these deeply powerful, emotional reactions.  I’m a servant to meta-cognition, deconstructing my thought patterns, analyzing not just events, or even the context of my life, but the way in which thoughts filter through my brain.

I look around me and this is the life I’ve dreamed of.  I have no responsibility outside of kicking ass at school, and yet, I’m perpetually dissatisfied.  Because I don’t have the right girlfriend, I don’t think I play guitar well enough, I’m not making enough money.  Whatever.

I made a promise to myself, weeks ago, that after I get over all this physical BS I’m going to focus on retrofitting my mental BS.  Japan will be the catalyst for so much good in my life.

I need an earth-shattering paradigm shift like this to fuck my world up.

Starbucks lies

They’re trying to poison me. I kid you not. Yesterday, I drank a decaf iced Americano. Innocuous enough, or so one would presume. I swear, I felt neurons quiver with each sip. Obviously decaf doesn’t mean caffeine free. Lack of stimulants makes Ryan cry tears of lethargy.

Oh dear

Right now I’m sitting behind my brother who is power leveling in World of Warcraft.  I couldn’t be more.  Forking.  Tired.

On tap for this evening, the boys in Shadow at Morning will be rocking West Seattle for an 8:15pm band practice.  I made more progress on my little fitness venture, played guitar, ate a sandwich, and downloaded information on post-grad funding opportunities.  Can I get a w00t w00t?

P.S.: I want to train martial arts again.  Once I clear this god awful period of overtraining I plan to start conditioning work, which I haven’t done in ages.  Should be stellar.

Finally, some hope!

Alright! Health and vitality for the win! Today, I must say, bled brilliance. Guitar, Gran Turismo 5, UFC fights, Spike’s Guy’s Choice Awards, George R.R. Martin’s Game of Thrones, absolute gorgeous sunshine… today truly rocked. I guess this whole “taking time off” thing has its merits.

Today looks to be another sunny Seattle day. I’m running on fumes at present, and in desperate need of sleep, so I’ll keep this short and snappy…

Okay, that’s all. Really. I’m going to sleep. ‘Nite!

Mid-day update

Feeling much better today. I spent the morning working on my fitness handbook for the college student. It still needs adequate titling.

Guitar wise I’m in the process of mastering “Vices like Vipers” by Oh Sleeper, a great technical workout and a darn catchy song to boot.

Saturday Night Serenity

Eee gads, I’m starting yet another blog. This one I promise to maintain. No for reals guys, I kid you not. I’ll be headed off to Japan come July 12th. Ample opportunities abound, I intend to participate in a glorious array of activities. Amidst such diversions will be the procurement of totally sweet schwag for the boys and girls I know and cherish dearly. You know who you are.

So what have I been up to? More like what have I not been up to. My life philosophy has always been “Why go half way with anything when you can over do it?” Thanks to the magic of sports supplements and nootropics I stimulated myself into manium this past quarter of graduate school. Had a viscious streak of anxiety attacks in late May due to stress and, I’m sure, the supplements. It’s been a long road toward recovery.

Fast forward to today, and I’m still tired. Constantly. I wake up and want to fall back asleep immediately. The problem is my body won’t let me. And I have a funky eye twitch, tracers, halos, light sensitivity, headaches… it plain sucks. Peter, paintball is looking hazy at this point. Sorry bro.

Alas, my days until Japan will be spent lying down and moving as minimally as possible. I’m off training for the moment, so no workouts. I’m barely playing guitar thanks to the ravages of shows and recording. In fact, I pretty much watch TV and read all day, and even the reading can be a challenge. Up on my priority list has been the ever elusive novel, as well as a handbook for college students who want to improve their bodies and health, rather than necessarily destroy all semblence of vitality.

Since this is the introductory post, nothing too spectacular on tap. Caffeine withdrawals aren’t helping either. Jeez this sounds whiny. Okay, henceforth, no complaining, only serious rawk. See you tomorrow!